How can I NOT be?
After talking to Maria last night, it seems like all my hopes were crushed (but not her fault at ALL. I always knew the answers to my questions in the back of my head). I was honestly considering switching to a different path.
And then I bounced ideas off of Shelbs. She says she didn't say much besides repeating the things I told her, but she really helped me a lot. My reasons for not pursuing medicine are all selfish reasons; my reasons for it are not (I think).
Which gal in her right mind would willingly say she doesn't want a husband, a family sometime down the line? Who in their right mind would continue to stay in school, sacrifice endless hours/sleep just for a longer name (ya know, the Dr. in front, and the M.D. in the back of your name)?? no no no
I hear, "I'm meant to do it" and "seems like your heart and mind is already set" (how can anyone have so much confidence in me, when I have none in myself?), but "I'm just scared". Well, OF COURSE I'm scared of what's going to happen to me, to my future once I set foot into the door of med school. OF COURSE I'm scared about the debt I have to pay because of med school, the burdens I will bring to my parents. OF COURSE I'm scared about watching everyone else around me setting steps into the different "seasons" (joanna hargrove) of their lives while I'm stuck as a student forever. OF COURSE. How can I possibly not be scared?
But, Shelbs is right. Those are secondary issues. I think do have my heart set on medicine. To let those issues persuade me is like saying I don't trust in God's sovereign plan.
Ah.
The road ahead seems so gloomy.
My light in the end of the tunnel: when I finally return home, to hear, "well done, my child" from my Holy Father. This is not going to come from simply pursuing medicine; but from pursuing the things that would bring glory to God.
I hope this will be my comforter during my times of struggle. Because, I know I will struggle.. a lot.
Do whatever takes MORE faith.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
>< reading an old post of yours for some reason, and found it very heart-wrenching yet encouraging. i hope i'd be one to encourage/support you through whatever path you choose, to be a comfort to the difficulties that lie ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteI would like to note that i appreciate what you noted in the end: that though the room seems so gloomy, that your light at the end of the tunnel is nothing but the confirmation of your heavenly Father. right on =] may God continue to be merciful to us, His children.