my battlefield

perhaps the best chance i'll ever get to talk to my family...
yet i get so discouraged cause it's been so difficult, and i want to please my parents so much.

but, i live my life for the Lord, please pray for me to not fear men, to love God, to share the gospel with my family, and for their salvation (one day)!


(just a sidenote, i wuv my soon-to-be-husband, he's pretty darn awesome =))

30-something days left

I think as the wedding comes closer and closer, I'm getting more anxious, with planning and whatnot, along with questioning if I'm truly ready for this (going back and forth, back and forth, seemingly arguing with myself...)

Having difficult conversations with J... saddens me that we have more of those lately, but I do know that everytime, I come out learning more about God (& admiring J more and more). This time around, I saw the true weightiness of my own walk. Though I always knew that my own personal walk with God very much affect every aspect of my life and all the relationships around me, it's the first time I come to see that... I'm going to be a HUGE influence to my soontobe-husband's life (sort of a duh statement, but.. shocked me). So, if I'm not doing well in my walk, then he's going to be affected as well!! {the bright side though, is that I'll know when I'm doing well, he'll be benefitting from it as well =D}.

 

Anyhow, I should be reminded of the following (taken from girltalk):

When I try to find fulfillment in anything besides loving Christ and serving Him, I will only end up more frustrated and completely unfulfilled.

{grace & roger} 06.04.2011 preview

thank you grace & roger for letting me spend the afternoon with you guys! I had SO much fun.

more to come... =)

Irvine Date <3

T-69 days! (I don't like counting b/c it makes me nervous, but we have a counter on our website, and so i know once in a while.. hahaha

I love dates <3

the ko fammmm

so so beautiful! overflowing love =)

thanks for allowing me to shoot you guys =)

see rest here

still alive =D

really haven't posted in so so long.
work has been really hard on my body =(

quick list of resolutions:
1. pray! pray for strength, pray for peace, pray for efficiency so i can sleep more/be more energized, pray for engagement, pray for family, pray for meetups, pray for my bridesmaids, pray for j ♥
2. read and actually comprehend. i think i sometimes fall into the checklist mentality and don't fully understand what i read.. =(
3. take more pictures --> bring my camera with me (i want a smaller lens ><)

i'm going to marry him!

PRELUDE..

{May 16, 2008 - LBC banquet}

This was my freshman year, back in '08.

If you were at our engagement party, you already know this. But since most of you don't... yes, I did have a crush on this dude even back then.

Of course, I wasn't saved, so my reasons were no good =/

I worked during the summer, and sorted out a lot of my own issues.

In the fall, he studied abroad in Japan.

{April 16, 2009 - fnf}

I was saved by God's grace earlier that year. j came back from Japan. Our interactions were sparse (we only met once that year, I believe), but... my respect for him grew even from our few encounters.

{May 2009 - LBC banquet}

Yes, we continued to take awk/funny pictures.

{June, 2009 - Hong wedding}

I attended my first ever wedding!

The story behind this picture is quite hilarious.

Dear c went up to j, insisted that he & I match, and we need to take a picture together. j was more like "whatevs, fake smile, good okay bye". I was pretty giggly. HAHA

{2009-2010 schoolyear}

The following year, I moved into Costa Verde with my beautiful girls (+ our unofficial roommate). Thus, I became his neighbor.

During the time, a friend and I wanted to gather people together every once in a while, so I started hosting our monthly Costa hangouts. --> more opportunities for us to interact/talk, though I don't remember us interacting/talking all that much..

{November 28, 2009}

j traces back to this date as the day he started to notice me.

THE DATING STORY..

{March 13, 2010}

Asked me out on Feb 18.

I didn't sleep the entire night

My roommates didn't get much sleep either that night (they were super excited for me)

{April 1, 2010}

We have lots fun together. Like, how I postit his car =D..

Did quite a few embarrassing/memorable things..

Got a season pass to Sea World

So we go play there quite often.

Okay, enough preluding (did I lose everyone already?)

On to THE PROPOSAL STORY..

December was a really hectic month for me. For the first two weeks, I was training for my new job AND studying for finals. Third week, since I was required to do 4x 8 hour shifts before leaving for home, I arranged my schedule to be M-Th, so I could play with John on Friday.

Our season pass to SeaWorld expires end of Dec, so we decided to go there one last time on Friday.

I worked 10pm-6am on Wednesday night, and 6pm-2am on Thursday night, so I was super exhausted and didn't bother setting an alarm for Friday morning (I'm usually pretty good about waking up). J texted me 930 saying he's up, which was super weird to me cause.. it never happens. I ended up sleeping through everything and didn't wake up till 1030. Drove over to his place, had lunch together with a few of his housemates (they later told me it was impossible to talk to me cause they didn't know what to say without revealing), and headed over to SeaWorld.

Okay, so a few (weird) thing so far:

-J asked me the day before if I'm sick of dating yet. I was like "NOO I don't want to break up with you". Yes you may laugh. No I admit I don't think like a normal person...

-S insisted on talking to me at 2am when I got back from work. I was thinking, okay yeah~ we can talk about your situations or whatever. But, we spent the whole hour talking about me until I fell asleep

-A, plus few other people, stayed an extra week in SD.

-Before I headed out to see J, S asked, "are you going to wear that?????" To which I replied, "YEAH! It's cold today, you should wear something warm too!"

But, I'm super oblivious, so none of it clicked.

I don't like rainy weather. The whole day was really gloomy.

We went to see our usual favorites and a few that fit our time. Sealion - we got to see the extra session of how to train =). the animal show - they have a kangaroo!! (which I thought... "kangaroo go, jump jump jump!"). and a polar express show (blah).

A few weird things at this point:

-J asked to bring his bag instead of mine

-J took forever when using the restroom

both which I dismissed, but thought it was weird.

At the end of the day, we were going to head out, grab the silver pass (thanks liz!), and go back into the park to get a souvenir. On our way out to the park, j asked if I wanted to get a picture in front of the big christmas tree, to which I was "YEAHH!".

We were talking about how we should ask someone to take a picture for us, and (coincidentally, but not really), the Yu's were there. I was super excited, and told j "hey, we can ask someone we KNOW to take a picture of us - awesome!".

Here's the picture S took for us:

{December 17, 2010}

Right after S took the picture, j turned around and said "hey mel" in a quite serious tone.

And in my mind, I was thinking "oh nos, we are going to talk about serious things now, dinner will be interesting..." (indeed, dinner was interesting).

The rest kinda went by like a blur. The end.

Just kidding.

j said something along the lines of "I really enjoyed dating you these past 10 months, and blahblabh (i don't remember).."

reached into his pocket (this is when it clicked in my mind)

got down on one knee

"Will you marry me?"

And you can picture me smiling/shocked.

after a couple seconds.

"YES!"

And then, there's people at SeaWorld clapping for us, and I saw our friends running to us.

C & S hugged me!

(before j did)

cause he was just shocked and lost.

and not sure what he was supposed to do.

but many thanks to T, who shouted "put the ring on!"

so he did.

we got engaged.

=) heheh.

and went to eat yummy souplantation.

Funny moments -

c.h.: so when's the party?

c.s: you mean.. the party at souplantation??

me: oHhh hey that's caroline's car!

j: well, maybe she's here.

more surprises? yay for friends.

so, yes, i got engaged!

and it was a very happy day.

I'M GOING TO MARRY HIM! I think we can safely say, I'm going to marry the man of my dreams!

=) heh.

(priase God for everything He has provided us with!)

(thanks to all our friends who made this day so special to me & j)

what happens when i'm sleep deprived

britt suggested that i should blog about my day, cause it's full of what the ridiculous stories. hahah

1.
-picked up a scantron for my test
-came out to be 27 cents
-handed the cashier a quarter and four pennies, turned around to leave
-he gave me the strangest look, took the quarter and two pennies, and handed me back the other two...
=( i can't count. good thing my midterms werent on math!

2.
-after my third midterm, was walking on library walk
-a guy came up to me advertising something
-he asked, "hi how are you doing? do you have five minutes to save a life today (in ref to bone marrow donation)?"
-i took off my ipod, turned around, and sluggishly said "oh.. hmm.. maybe next time.."
-he gave me a weird look
=( my brain definitely shuts down. haha, maybe next time i'll try to save a life? lol, what a silly answer =)

3.
-came home, napped till 5:30
-kept on thinking, oh shoot, i wonder if liz is coming home today
-called her on her cell phone, turned out she DID come home while i was asleep, and we even had a conversation. it went like this (according to liz, cause i dont remember any bits of it at all):
liz: *open door, oh sorry, didn't know you were sleeping
me: hi liz
liz: hey, sorry to wake you
me: oh it's okay, i'm sleeping anyway...
=/ yup, don't remember this AT all.

a non-depressing post! =)

planned

I know what I wanted, what I planned for, what I expected.

Perhaps its quite stupid on my part, but sometimes, I feel as if I cannot allow myself room for another option, so I can't, won't fail.

Okay, not smart.

{Prov 16:9 - The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps}

A lighter note, I got a second interview! This is pretty amazing considering I pretty much saw no signs of hope after my first one.

still shaking

{Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid of tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.}

feels like sophmore year

unbalanced

the whatif's

When thinking about / worrying about the future (which I found myself doing a lot more this past year as I'm almost done with college..), I'm always so in need to be reminded of trusting in God's provision. {James 4:11-15} was the verse that I read (and re-read and re-read some more), but girltalk (by the Mahaney ladies) mentioned some good points to consider in their post today (though the intended audience is mothers, I think we can all benefit from it =))

{Matthew 6:33-34 - But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own}

{James 4:11-15 – Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow, You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.}

The Mahaneys write:

There is no grace for our imagination. That’s why our fearful imaginings produce bad fruit: anxiety, lack of joy, futile attempts to control.

There is no grace for our imagination. But God does promise sufficient, abundant grace for every real moment of our lives. That’s why the Proverbs 31 woman can “laugh at the future in contrast with being worried or fearful about it” (ESV Study Bible note on Pr. 31:25)

There are few things that I've always highlighted within the prov31 passage {v 12, 15, 25, 30}. But I guess I never truly noticed/meditated on it enough.

{Prov 31:25 - Strength and dignity are her clothings, And she smiles at the future.}

8

6:30 club w/the apt!

=) i just like to say,

i heart my apartmentmates! they are the best. =D

i keep on having nightmares, so i guess waking up early isn't too too difficult (for now). hahah, it's the staying awake during the day part =) yay iced tuxedo / whitemocha~

LKC #1

My mentality before was always reluctant to give up my Wednesday night, and then it slowly turned into (or maybe it was simultaneously) the excuse of being too busy with work/volunteer/school/other things on my to-do list (sidenote: crossing off to-do lists is probably the best feeling/things to do. ever. that's one thing I miss as I now switched everything to my ipod). I kept on thinking "maybe next time I'd be less busy". But hahaha, we all know how that goes.

One thing I truly took to heart, throughout these years in college, was that we make time to do things that we desire to, things that we love (believe PaulMolina first mentioned this to me when I met with him freshman year, and then repeatedly hearing this from lbc in general). So, well, my schedule is no way any less busy compared to before, but.. I think VBS did something strange to me :) those little kiddos = ♥

"Questions"

-something/some people, if we don't know them, our lives wouldn't be any different.

-but knowing God makes a difference!

To you it was shown that you might know that the Lord, He is God; there is no other besides Him. Out of the heavens He let you hear His voice to discipline youl and on earth He let you see His great fire, and you heard His words from the midst of the fire. Because He loved your fathers, therefore He chose their descendants after them. And He personally brought you from Egypt by His great power, driving out from before you nations greater and mightier than you, to bing you in and to give you their land for an inheritance, as it is today. Know therefore today, and take it to your heart, that the Lord, He is God in heaven above and on the earth below; there is no other. So you shall keep His statutes and His commandments which I am giving you today, that it may go well with you and with your children after you, and that you may live long on the land which the Lord your God is giving you for all time. [Deuteronomy 4:35-40]

-God has revealed himself: two responses

1. to know God

but knowing God isn't enough

2. lay it to your heart

-How do we know God? learn about God? --- through the Bible.

-we can't know God fully, but we can truly

-loving God, not unless we know Christ as Lord AND Savior

Though the message was short, it was sweet and such a good reminder. Especially nice since I'm going through Deuteronomy. Psalm 119:11 was actually my very first memory verse, so it's always stuck in my head. This is particularly important and true, as I'm fighting for diligence and self-discipline.

--- main conviction: I think joining the ministry = commitment, and should be treated as such. My three hours on Wednesday nights should be devoted to those kiddos, despite whatever I have on my list of to-dos. Though midterms and whatnot are understandable excuses, they are excuses nonetheless.

First time I left early, hopefully the last.

psychology classes = win!

this morning...
i sipped on iced vanilla chai from mandeville coffee cart + watched cute baby videos.

and then i walked to my next class and thought about hamster for another hour or so.

= classes are fun :)

china #2

some things i've seen + been thinking through

(i've been meaning to write a more elaborate post on these things and i kept on telling myself that i will, but i just get busier and busier, so.. =/ i'm just gonna post whatever comes within the next fifteen mins. haha)

-the idea/view on marriage (and dating): horrible to fully realize/understand that marriage nowadays are simply a way, a mean of bettering yourself. haha looking back, i am so thankful that back when i was not saved, i still held dating/marriage to a standard where i wouldnt date a guy i can't see myself marrying. i like that principle =)

-divorce: i was so troubled. at the time, couldn't think of what to say cause all i had in my mind were Biblical principles that non-Christians would not understand. but forgot that all else aside, none of it is of any importance in light of one's salvation. this was stressful. think i was/am still pretty upset at myself.

okay, perhaps i'll elaborate more laters. boo for back-to-back midterms =(

china!

hangout with my grandma lots & lots!

w/cousin

photoshoot that took ~12-13 hours; with layers and layers and layers of makeup

qipao shopping =]

this is what i grew up on. haha cause my mom loves it =)

mcD tastes better in asia. kiwi sundae

supermarkets are super legit (4 stories..). the escalators are cooool!

yumm

more yumm. bread = ♥

the guy wrote a verse/poem? using my name =) that was pretty cool

6 =)

a bit late, but since i'll be gone for 2 1/2 weeks, some pictures =)

biking @ Coronado = super funnnnn

this is a superrrrr over-exposed picture. i tried adjusting settings and whatnot, but i suck at post-processing, so this is the best i can do =/

i really like this one though! the eyes =D