I thought hard about it. Longest hour perhaps. Lots of should I, should I nots. Lots of ifs and what abouts. I just wanted to bury my head under the pillow. Dig a hole in the ground. Escape.
My problem is too, long, too often. too much on my mind.
I resolved not to think about it, because I honestly do not want to. Yet my mind wanders back to the topic. Always, seems like. It's getting to the point that I'm questioning if I'm sinning -- idolatry? The very thing I'm constantly fighting, guarding against.
Failing miserably.
I'm so frustrated with myself. Wish I can just stop. Is it that difficult? Shouldn't be.
But it is what it is.
Give me the strength to change. To accept. To take everything with a grain of salt.
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