haha, they make me so mad sometimes. I wake up and ask myself, "WHAT was I thinking?!" stupid unconscious-ness.
I wish I were less affected by them - just dreams right?
my thoughts wonders.
&, kinda nasty when I have mcat-related nightmares for a week and half or something.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
So In Love
with our amazing God.
I was flipping through old photos, and found this picture of Josh Liu from last Easter Sunday. Akwon sort of organized an informal singing/worship session on the field of warren mall. A couple guys were there, and I got this great shot of Josh. Full of emotions. I love it :)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Testimony
I am where I am today only because of God's grace and His love.
Growing up in an environment where the concept of religion did not even exist, much less the concept of a God, it is truly by His grace alone that I was given the opportunity to know Him, love Him, and now be called one of His children.
When I came to the U.S. at age 12, the main purpose that my parents dragged me to church was to 'socialize'. With no understanding of this "God", I saw no meaning in all things related to the church, and saw no importance of getting up early on a Sunday morning, sitting there for what seemed like forever listening to an old guy talk and ramble on and on and on. My view toward this unfamiliar religion was along the lines of “I-don’t-care”. I was so self-centered and self-absorbed that I did not even take the time to question or care about anything that did not directly benefit me. At the time, I was only focused on myself, and thought that everything needed to revolve around me.
This self-centered view, combined with my attitude of self-sufficiency, made me think that I, alone, all by myself, could handle anything and everything. I had always thought that if I were determined enough, that if I studied enough, perhaps worked hard enough, made enough friends, did enough “nice” things, then everything would somehow turn out to be perfect, and I would be well on my way to this magical Disney-happy-ending. So I devoted all my energy into academics and work and trying to please others. What I failed to notice was that, my idea of self-sufficiency had totally, completely blinded me. All things I chased after was so insignificant and they were always changing – nothing was constant and therefore I had nothing to hold on to. It was no wonder that whatever I was looking for - whether it was happiness or relationships or achievements at school or work – I never quite found it.
Instead, I found bitterness, envy, and even hatred towards those that I thought I loved. My sinful nature was revealed to me as my thoughts were consumed with jealousy and selfish ambitious.
It’s amazing how God uses all things for His glory.
Looking back, I can see how our wonderful God used various events in my life to bring me out of my self-centered view and my mistaken idea of self-sufficiency. He used various people and situations to bring me to tears and realizations just this past year, and to admit that I can never achieve anything by myself, and by myself, I am not enough, never was, and will never be enough.
When I truly repented of my sins and submitted my life to Christ, there was so much joy that accompanied it – praise God for the TRUE joy that comes from nothing else in this world. Knowing that God would love me so much that despite my daily rebellion against Him, He still sent His only son, Jesus, to take my place on the cross, and knowing that my salvation is based only on my faith in the Gospel and in Christ - nothing I do can merit this saving grace, it makes this so, so much sweeter. My outlook in life has changed; I am no longer living for myself, or for my selfish desires. I am constantly reminded that if God can love such a sinner like me, how can I possibly be envious or unforgiving of others? Even though I still struggle, and will continue to struggle with my fleshly desires as long as I am on Earth, I seek to bring glory to Christ in all that I do. Because above everything else, I love our amazingly wonderfully awesome God.
<10.18.2009>
Growing up in an environment where the concept of religion did not even exist, much less the concept of a God, it is truly by His grace alone that I was given the opportunity to know Him, love Him, and now be called one of His children.
When I came to the U.S. at age 12, the main purpose that my parents dragged me to church was to 'socialize'. With no understanding of this "God", I saw no meaning in all things related to the church, and saw no importance of getting up early on a Sunday morning, sitting there for what seemed like forever listening to an old guy talk and ramble on and on and on. My view toward this unfamiliar religion was along the lines of “I-don’t-care”. I was so self-centered and self-absorbed that I did not even take the time to question or care about anything that did not directly benefit me. At the time, I was only focused on myself, and thought that everything needed to revolve around me.
This self-centered view, combined with my attitude of self-sufficiency, made me think that I, alone, all by myself, could handle anything and everything. I had always thought that if I were determined enough, that if I studied enough, perhaps worked hard enough, made enough friends, did enough “nice” things, then everything would somehow turn out to be perfect, and I would be well on my way to this magical Disney-happy-ending. So I devoted all my energy into academics and work and trying to please others. What I failed to notice was that, my idea of self-sufficiency had totally, completely blinded me. All things I chased after was so insignificant and they were always changing – nothing was constant and therefore I had nothing to hold on to. It was no wonder that whatever I was looking for - whether it was happiness or relationships or achievements at school or work – I never quite found it.
Instead, I found bitterness, envy, and even hatred towards those that I thought I loved. My sinful nature was revealed to me as my thoughts were consumed with jealousy and selfish ambitious.
It’s amazing how God uses all things for His glory.
Looking back, I can see how our wonderful God used various events in my life to bring me out of my self-centered view and my mistaken idea of self-sufficiency. He used various people and situations to bring me to tears and realizations just this past year, and to admit that I can never achieve anything by myself, and by myself, I am not enough, never was, and will never be enough.
When I truly repented of my sins and submitted my life to Christ, there was so much joy that accompanied it – praise God for the TRUE joy that comes from nothing else in this world. Knowing that God would love me so much that despite my daily rebellion against Him, He still sent His only son, Jesus, to take my place on the cross, and knowing that my salvation is based only on my faith in the Gospel and in Christ - nothing I do can merit this saving grace, it makes this so, so much sweeter. My outlook in life has changed; I am no longer living for myself, or for my selfish desires. I am constantly reminded that if God can love such a sinner like me, how can I possibly be envious or unforgiving of others? Even though I still struggle, and will continue to struggle with my fleshly desires as long as I am on Earth, I seek to bring glory to Christ in all that I do. Because above everything else, I love our amazingly wonderfully awesome God.
<10.18.2009>
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